Cinematastica 2016 Finale: Part 3 - The Meh / by Paul Keely


The Meh movies are ones that I saw and... saw. They didn't stick with me. Maybe they were okay at the time, maybe not. Maybe I went in expecting nothing and left with nothing. Maybe I went in expecting nothing, got a bit, then immediately forgot about it. Whatever the case, these were some hearty meh's.


The Finest Hours, the finest film made about that particular incident ever. It's one of those movies where I saw the trailer and thought "This looks AWESOME!" then watched it and twenty minutes later thought "What did I do today?" Not bad, just the very definition of harmless meh. 


Bam, new term. Watch for it in future Cinemastica posts. Hashtag trending hashtah harmehless.


The Conjuring 2, because of course it's a franchise. The Conjuring films feel like the grown up versions of the Insidious films. A bit slower to burn, a bit subtler. There is a more definite display of cinematic talent in these films than the carnival spook house fare of the now trilogy. But this one, much like the first, was a hearty meh. Yeah, it's a solid film. But it didn't do anything for me. Except make me laugh. Seriously, when the shadow nun grabs the painting and runs at the camera? Funniest scene of the year.


Warcraft, which had some of the weightiest CGI I've ever seen, which is an amazing thing. The fights felt like fights between two massive objects, rather than masses of pixels. But other than that, just a lot of pretty colours and names flying past too quick to register. I've played the Warcraft games so going in I had a pretty solid foundation, but it fell victim to the Lord of the Rings effect. Sweeping shots, epic music, the new generic fantasy.


Independence Day: Resurgence, which had moments of fun but felt sort of hollow. Like it was fun as designed by a committee. "We need Jeff Goldblum and his dad, and the stripper but only for a little while. Also Thor would be good. We can't get him? Get his little brother then. It's not like Red Dawn will get a sequel any time soon."


The Purge: Election Year, which is better than the first but nowhere near as good as the second. The franchise as a whole is less a good series of films and more a mediocre series of set pieces punctuated by occasionally awesome set pieces. The second film had far more of these. This one felt big budget but with a small budget. More of what's cool, but without the power behind the scenes to back it up. The result is distinctly direct to DVD, in a bad way.


Captain America: Civil War, which is probably the only surprise on the Meh list. Sure, it's good, but I'm so burnt out on superhero movies the best I can say for a good one is 'meh.' Give me something truly spectacular. The problem with Marvel movies is they're safe. They know what works, and they do it well. DC meanwhile fail every single time, but they TRY. Civil War is another entry in the good but not in a rush to watch it again category.


Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, a bit of a surprise. Actually really solid, but still a bit uneven in tone. It was actually a hard pick, putting this in "Good" or "Meh." It's not bad by any stretch, and I guess the fact I was having to decide means it belongs more in the meh. It was funny at the time, but it didn't leave much of an impact after the fact. Good to burn a couple hours on an afternoon, but not much beyond that.


Because they're Meh and I can't be bothered, this list also gets the tag alongs Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows and Central Intelligence, two fun enough movies that were utterly pointless and that left so little impact I'd forgotten about them until just now. No poster art for you!


Or whatever. There's 2016! Still a bunch of movies I want to check out I didn't get a chance to, from older stuff to newer stuff. From (presumably) good stuff like Snowden, to (undoubtedly) bad stuff like Max Steel. But I'll catch up with them over the course of NEXT year. Or not. Likely a bunch of them will be added to the never ending queue that just grows with each passing year. Hopefully I'll start getting a regular schedule together and post my thoughts on things.

In the mean time, come back tomorrow for the final part of my 2016 movie blog thing: THE COMIC BOOK MOVIES!